K1u Posted April 20, 2008 Share Posted April 20, 2008 Do not consider this as just another ploy to get traffic onto my site. I honestly want feedback. Ever since I was young I had the dream of operating a forum like the ones I would go on, the millions of users and the one admin with the iron fist who is worshipped like a god. The flamewars, the constant delivery of content, the idea and the feeling of being part of a community of actual people. The thought of being this worshipped lord admin intrigued me so much, having a legion of people to attack on flame to defend their precious admin. The power I wanted was similar to how a drug abuser might feel. I had a strong urge for this ultimate power. Years pass. I buy a domain, I get together a team of my good friends... THEN IT BEGINS! The curse. The late nights I spent constantly refreshing the who's online panel, looking for new guests or possible registrations, eye'ing new users so carefully. Re-trying board layouts after board layouts after board layouts, NEVER STOPPING, like a addict my grades drop and everything else in life is worthless. I care beyond what words can describe about my community, wanting to be SUPERIOR than other forums, WANTING TO BE HAILED by members! The late nights continue constantly, anger and rage, I cry in anger and passion so much I want to break and destroy, but I am stopped. Constant changes in forum software, the constant lines of php code running through my brain, all I can think of is the forum. The template changes, the forum changes, deleted, reinstalled, thrown away, regained, attacked, loved, hated. Pain and anger is all I feel. For my true and only dream in life is this. Registering on so many forums, I NEVER STOP, the rage, bloodshot eyes at 4 AM. My parents always questioning why they see a board and me just refreshing and refreshing. I post and I post, I advertise and I advertise. Will it ever stop? Will it? Features implemented, features removed, life lost, hope gained. What is the end goal? For I am just another... Paranoid Lonely Hopeless Admin. Is it love for the forum or is it love for the community? Behind it all it is just for the community. For I am just another... Paranoid Lonely Hopeless Admin. Is it hate or is it love? Why do I spend oh-so-much time? For I am just another... Paranoid Lonely Hopeless Admin. Will it stop? What is wrong? Who am I? For I am just another... Paranoid Lonely Hopeless Admin. I post and post I post and post. I make up almost 95% of the forums posts. Why? Why am I just another... Paranoid Lonely Hopeless Admin. Well who knows? The ideas never stop. Maybe some good will come out of this, maybe some day I will have the community I beg for. For I am just another... Paranoid Lonely Hopeless Admin. Lost in the grips of web 2.0, with the internet users wanting more, who am I but just another admin. <3 goes out to all others in my situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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