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(comedy) A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A LEET HAX0R


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(sorry if its been posted before)

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A LEET HAX0R

by 0rin

Part 1: A School Day

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7:20am: Elite hax0r wakes up to prepare for another challenging day of 7th grade.

7:25: Elite hax0r signs onto AOL (computer is never turned off)

7:30: Elite hax0r checks new mail for elite hacking progs and warez

7:40: After 10 minutes of chatting in with the folks in leet, elite hax0r's mom takes the telephone off the hook.

7:55: m0m and elite hax0r are having an argument about wasted time online.

8:00: elite hax0r's dad drops him off at Mitnick Middle School

8:05: elite hax0r enters typing class. this is his elite hacking playground, and he loves to confuse the teacher by pressing num lock,

and shouting '3y3 hax0red j00!!!'

9:00: typing class is over, and elite hax0r travels to his history class. No 'puters here, so, he strategically places his copy of 2600

inside his history book and memorizes the 'how to steal stuff' article.

9:30: history teacher catches elite hax0r with the clandestine 2600 and takes it away from him. elite hax0r begins a

heart-wrenching speel about freedom of speech, and his right as a citizen of this country to read his elite 2600 whenever he

pleases. he compares this atrocity to the unjust imprisonment of hax0rs everywhere, and takes comfort in his martyrdom. leet is

definitely hearing about this tonight.

10:05: elite hax0r goes to english.

10:50: elite hax0r goes to lunch period. here, he sits with his class in the cafeteria and takes his usual spot near the lunchlady's

cashregister so he can write down people's lunch numbers. This comes in handy, as they could possibly use their lunch number as

their AOL password. And if not, its always really leet to have even the most insignificant 1nph0z.

11:25: elite hax0r goes to pre algebra. today, he makes the kid in the desk next to him ph33r when he types 1134 on the calculator

and holds it upside down. he wonders if this is similar to hacking an LED sign like in 2600..?

12:15: elite hax0r goes to science class where he learns about the reproductive system. elite hax0r excuses himself from class where

he performs a quick wetware hack.

1:30: elite hax0r gathers his books and stands in front of the school

1:35: elite hax0r is picked up by the small yellow bus with the power lift on the back.

2:00: elite hax0r is dropped off at home, and he rushes inside to sign on and check his mail.

2:30: after 30 minutes online, elite hax0r is forced to sign off and take a nap. Ms. Hax0r cant have her baby getting cranky.

4:45: elite hax0r wakes up, and begins writing his manifesto, which he plans to present to his history teacher tomorrow.

4:47: elite hax0r gets tired of writing and feels like going outside. he and his little brother ride their bikes around in circles in the

carport.

5:15: Ms. Hax0r calls the children inside for dinner.

6:00: hax0r children finish dinner, and elite hax0r asks for permission to get online and hack some stuff.

6:05: elite hax0r battles AOL's perpetual busy signal; its probably just a ploy by AOL to block him from coming online, in ph33r he

might hax0r their network.

7:05: elite hax0r continues to hax0r away at AOL's "busy signal"

7:30: finally, elite hax0r crax0rs the busy signal and sneaks his way inside. He checks his mail for leet progs and tries to enter pr

'leet'. But, in another attempt by AOL to bring him down, the room is full (its really just their $3cur1ty 3xp3rt$ trying to keep him

out).

7:40: elite hax0r finally busts into 'leet' in 137 tries.

he chats with his homies.

8:00: elite hax0r is still chatting with the leets, when Ms. Hax0r picks up the fux0ring telephone and signs him offline.

8:35: after 20 minutes of crax0ring the "busy signal", in an angered retalliation attempt, elite hax0r steals mom's credit cards and

scrolls them in 'leet' and 'phreak'.

9:00: elite hax0r finally finishes scrolling, and takes some time to work on his webpage;

http://members.aol.com/Leethax0r/index.html.Here, he posts his new hax0r's manifesto, and lists $houtoutZ to his homies in 'leet'

and 'punt', and his main chix0r Annie.

10:00: after an hour of figuring out how to use the AOL webpage software, he grows tired of all this brain work, and signs offline.

10:25: leet hax0r brushes his teeth,puts on his kevin mitnick pajamas, and goes to sleep.

11:00: leet hax0r dreams that he is Dade Murphy, and that he is having wild sex0r with Acid Burn, while hacking the FBI's Main

Gibson.

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