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melodic
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Hey Darren, when do I get my title of Forum Grandma? ;)

Anyways, I've noticed a hugge! Huge flaw with this News thingy.

Unmoderated! No Muuuuuu or Wladamir to kill irritating threads, so there will be an unholy horde of Gru monsters let loose upon the forum.

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REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE-STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL

I am Dr. Bakare Tunde, the cousin of Nigerian Astronaut, Air Force Major Abacha Tunde. He was the first African in space when he made a secret flight to the Salyut 6 space station in 1979. He was on a later Soviet spaceflight, Soyuz T-16Z to the secret Soviet military space station Salyut 8T in 1989. He was stranded there in 1990 when the Soviet Union was dissolved. His other Soviet crew members returned to earth on the Soyuz T-16Z, but his place was taken up by return cargo. There have been occasional Progrez supply flights to keep him going since that time. He is in good humor, but wants to come home.

In the 14-years since he has been on the station, he has accumulated flight pay and interest amounting to almost $ 15,000,000 American Dollars. This is held in a trust at the Lagos National Savings and Trust Association. If we can obtain access to this money, we can place a down payment with the Russian Space Authorities for a Soyuz return flight to bring him back to Earth. I am told this will cost $ 3,000,000 American Dollars. In order to access the his trust fund we need your assistance.

Consequently, my colleagues and I are willing to transfer the total amount to your account or subsequent disbursement, since we as civil servants are prohibited by the Code of Conduct Bureau (Civil Service Laws) from opening and/ or operating foreign accounts in our names.

Needless to say, the trust reposed on you at this juncture is enormous. In return, we have agreed to offer you 20 percent of the transferred sum, while 10 percent shall be set aside for incidental expenses (internal and external) between the parties in the course of the transaction. You will be mandated to remit the balance 70 percent to other accounts in due course.

Kindly expedite action as we are behind schedule to enable us include downpayment in this financial quarter.

Please acknowledge the receipt of this message via my direct number 234 (0) 9-234-2220 only.

Yours Sincerely, Dr. Bakare Tunde

Astronautics Project Manager

tip@nasrda.gov.ng

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*quickly replies with all his bank details to obviously honourable Nigerian Doctor*

Theres just so many things wrong with that story it's not funny, normally it's atleast plausible. Secret soviet military space stations? They had enough problems keeping MIR up there, no way they could have supported another space station, let alone a military one that no one else knows about. If this space station is so secret then surely Abacha Tunde wouldn't be permitted to tell his cousin about it? Shouldn't their be a squad of Russian Commandos on thier way to silence this doctor for emailing you this information? In fact this Doctor has emailed this highly sensitive information to thousands of people over the last 2 years, how can he still be alive? Why hasn't the secret space station been discovered by the American Government, they get spam too...

His place taken up by reserve cargo? Well considering the Russians went to all the trouble of finding someone in Nigeria and training them secretly and then secretly sending them to space, wouldn't that suggest Abacha Tunde is some sort of ultimate super special astronaut that's more important than your average Cosmonaut or "cargo".

Why would the Russians waste valuable time and money sending him supply flights? Why can't he just come back on one of these supply flights? Why haven't the Americans who definately must know about his secret space station gone and rescued him?

Perhaps it could have something to with the fact he's been there for 14 years... I'm not an expert on living in space but I'm sure after that amount of time it would be near impossible for him to survive coming back to earth. Unless the super secret space station has artificial gravity?

So the Russian's have stranded him up there for 14 years, they keep feeding him but refuse to bring him home. Yes they also keep paying him insane amounts of money... Are they scared he might somehow get in contact with a lawyer and sue for pay for a secret job from a government that no longer exists?

Why don't the Russian's just ask him if he's willing to use his wages to pay for a return trip? I'm sure he could send back a cheque on the next supply flight? Why is money from a secret job being put into a trust anyway?

Behind schedule? Why wait 14 years to try and arrange this? Did you just forget about your long lost Nigerian cousin who is just up there floating on a super secret Soviet military space station? What kind of human being could do that?

Why don't I just take all of your money and not send you back a cent? It's not like you or your cousin can do much about it.

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