Do not consider this as just another ploy to get traffic onto my site. I honestly want feedback.
Ever since I was young I had the dream of operating a forum like the ones I would go on, the millions of users and the one admin with the iron fist who is worshipped like a god. The flamewars, the constant delivery of content, the idea and the feeling of being part of a community of actual people. The thought of being this worshipped lord admin intrigued me so much, having a legion of people to attack on flame to defend their precious admin. The power I wanted was similar to how a drug abuser might feel. I had a strong urge for this ultimate power.
Years pass. I buy a domain, I get together a team of my good friends...
THEN IT BEGINS!
The curse.
The late nights I spent constantly refreshing the who's online panel, looking for new guests or possible registrations, eye'ing new users so carefully. Re-trying board layouts after board layouts after board layouts, NEVER STOPPING, like a addict my grades drop and everything else in life is worthless. I care beyond what words can describe about my community, wanting to be SUPERIOR than other forums, WANTING TO BE HAILED by members!
The late nights continue constantly, anger and rage, I cry in anger and passion so much I want to break and destroy, but I am stopped.
Constant changes in forum software, the constant lines of php code running through my brain, all I can think of is the forum.
The template changes, the forum changes, deleted, reinstalled, thrown away, regained, attacked, loved, hated.
Pain and anger is all I feel. For my true and only dream in life is this.
Registering on so many forums, I NEVER STOP, the rage, bloodshot eyes at 4 AM. My parents always questioning why they see a board and me just refreshing and refreshing.
I post and I post, I advertise and I advertise.
Will it ever stop? Will it?
Features implemented, features removed, life lost, hope gained.
What is the end goal?
For I am just another...
Paranoid
Lonely
Hopeless
Admin.
Is it love for the forum or is it love for the community? Behind it all it is just for the community.
For I am just another...
Paranoid
Lonely
Hopeless
Admin.
Is it hate or is it love? Why do I spend oh-so-much time?
For I am just another...
Paranoid
Lonely
Hopeless
Admin.
Will it stop? What is wrong? Who am I?
For I am just another...
Paranoid
Lonely
Hopeless
Admin.
I post and post I post and post. I make up almost 95% of the forums posts.
Why? Why am I just another...
Paranoid
Lonely
Hopeless
Admin.
Well who knows? The ideas never stop.
Maybe some good will come out of this, maybe some day I will have the community I beg for.
For I am just another...
Paranoid
Lonely
Hopeless
Admin.
Lost in the grips of web 2.0, with the internet users wanting more, who am I but just another admin.
<3 goes out to all others in my situation.