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some tech jokes


darkjoker
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Computer Virus List

Watch out for these viruses. They could be very destructive to your computer:

Ellen Degeneres Virus - Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC

Titanic Virus - Makes your whole computer go down

Disney Virus - Everything in the computer goes Goofy

Prozac Virus - Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care

Woody Allen Virus - Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card

Paris Hilton Virus - Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop

Oprah Winfrey Virus - Your 200GB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80GB, and then slowly expands to 300GB

AT&T Virus - Every 3 minutes it tells you what a great service you are getting

MCI Virus - Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T Virus

Viagra Virus - Expands your hard drive while putting too much pressure on your zip

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got this one from michaelclark.name

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a

couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10 miles visibility when his instruments went out. So, he began circling around looking for a landmark. After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous.

Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. The pilot banks the plane around,rolls down the window and shouts to the guy, "Hey where am I?"

To this, the solitary office worker replies, "You're in a plane."

The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to execute a perfect blind landing on the runway of the airport 5 miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out.

The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it.

"Simple," replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless, therefore that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is just five miles due East."

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...

"Simple," replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless, therefore that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is just five miles due East."

LOL... I just busted a gut! :lol:

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A 2 person system admin team go into a talent agency looking for some work. The agent informs them that they are not really hiring and that he wasn't sure that a sys admin act would sell. After some pleading from tech 1 the agent says 'ok, show me your stuff'.

So tech 1 whips out a laptop from under his cloak. He then throws in an XP cd. He says in a most proud voice: 'I got this cd on the first day the O.S was released!'. He installs XP then quick as a flash installs IIS 5.0 and switches on the windows firewall. Losing none of his enthusiasm he hooks it up directly to the net. He says gleefully 'ha ha! I bet that was the quickest install of a production web server you have ever seen!'. The agent fidgeting on his chair attempts to respond, but he is interrupted by a loud bang. This was tech 2 slamming her laptop on the table in front of the agent. She then proceeds to boot up openbsd. She then installs the kde 3 desktop system and every bit of software for it she can find. 4 printer programs, 5 video players, 5 versions of minesweeper. She stops, the agent thinks 'is that it?'. Quicker than it too tech 1 to open the XP cd she installs vmware, then proceeds to install windows M.E on that system. She proclaims: 'ha hah! Here is the most secure laptop you can give to a client!'

'Da daaaaaaaaaaaa!' they say.

The agent, somewhat shocked pauses for a bit. With hands slightly shaking; he takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk. 'That was a hell of an act' he says. 'What do you call it?'

The sys admins wipe the sweat from their respective foreheads. slam their laptops close and proclaim: 'The Aristocrats!'

/me gets his coat

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