My Fave Jokes -Promise a good laugh

[ledaohio]

#1

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?”

The husband replied, “All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry.”

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, “What are you thinking now?”

He replied, “It looks as if I did a pretty good job.”

#2

A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F- 16 flashed by. The jet jockey decided to show off.
The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, ‘watch this!’ and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier. The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that?
The C-130 pilot said, ‘That was impressive, but watch this!’

The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes and then the C-130 pilot came back on and said: ‘What did you think of that?’
Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, ‘What the heck did you do?’
The C-130 pilot chuckled. ‘I stood up, stretched my legs, walked to the back, took a leak, then got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll.’

S.O.S.
Slower, Older and Smarter….

#3

A police officer in Penticton stops at a local ranch.
He talks with an old rancher, and tells him." I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs".
The rancher says, " OKay, but do not go in that field over there," as he is pointing out the location.

The police officer verbally explodes saying,
" Mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me".
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, and proudly displays it to the rancher.
" See the badge old man? this badge means I am allowed to go on any land ... have I made myself clear".

The rancher apologizes, nods and goes about his chores.

A short time later the old rancher hears loud screaming,
looks up and sees the police officer running in front of the farmers Santa Gertrudis bull.
With every step the officer makes the bull gains two, only seconds before the bull reaches him.
The rancher drops his tools and stands up and yells.

"Your badge, Show him your badge!"