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Twilight


ssmithisme
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I am not. It is badly written tripe.

Vampires do not sparkle in daylight, mostly they go poof (bar Dracula, he is just weakened).

The whole thing reads as a rather abusive relationship to be honest, and the female lead is so one dimensional it's painful.

I believe the following image sums it up nicely.

twilight.jpg

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I am not. It is badly written tripe.

Vampires do not sparkle in daylight, mostly they go poof (bar Dracula, he is just weakened).

The whole thing reads as a rather abusive relationship to be honest, and the female lead is so one dimensional it's painful.

I believe the following image sums it up nicely.

twilight.jpg

LMFAO!

Nice.

[EDIT]

I revise my LMFAO statement for it isnt as funny 7 seconds later. xD

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Wow...pretty harsh stuff. You're not alone ssmithisme, I also like the series. I think some people are falling into a bit of a paradox though. The act of beating the bloody hell out of anything Twilight-related has become just as popular and annoying as the 13 year old psychotic Twilight fans themselves. It's quite the vicious cycle. But that's just my opinion. There are definitely also people who just didn't like the series, and there's nothing wrong with that.

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Actually I totally agree with *or rather have the same opinion as* a lot of others that Twilight is a large smathering of backwoods B.S. but it's not because I am not a fan of twilight, it's because I am a fan of Vampires... Which is not twilight.

(Best reference: Interview with a Vampire) However though.. Anne Rice takes too damn long writing details...

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Well, basic chick flick. Normal "girl-from-next-door" find this pretty emo boy who just happens to be a bad boy (or at least tries to be).

Anyways all I can say is that the Twilight ruined vampires for 21st century. I bet most of the Twilight fans have not even seen all classic Dracula or even Blade flicks which were some what decent. Well maybe we should have seen this coming since 'the interview with a vampire' movies (specially after the sequal)

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Who knows, maybe all this softcore vampire stuff will make someone decide to go "you know what? how about I show you people how vampire shows are supposed to look?" and outdo everything written about vampires in the last 50 years?

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Well maybe we should have seen this coming since 'the interview with a vampire' movies (specially after the sequal)

There was a sequel?! :o

There was a movie that also had some interesting merit to it. I have searched and searched for the title but cannot find it... But if you have seen it, it's pretty close to just the regular day in the life of vampires. I do remember there was some goofy vampire slayer that at the end instead of the vampires killing him, they just made him a vampire.. Also remember that one was a nasty hooker vampire too.. damn the formula has been used too many times I guess.

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I love the Twilight series. The books are of course, waaay better but the movies do a decent job at selling it.

I've been reading vampire novels for years and years... Anne Rice novels, Anne Bishops Daughter of the Blood series, the True Blood books I'm just starting, as well as Dracula, effing Buffy fuck yea!, Vampire Hunder D mangas and books, etc etc. Each kind of book/movie/show has a different take on vampires.

I definetly think the idea of vampires sparkling in sunlight is incredibly silly... but look at it from the authors pov. Stephanie had to find a way to incorporate the vampires into the human world, where they could still go outside and not turn to ash.

The Vampire Diaries vampires have to wear special magical rings so they dont die in the sunlight...

The cool thing about the vampire folklore and myths is that they are just that. Storytelling at it's best, being twisted and changed as people deem fit.

Either way, even if I hated the Twilight movies, I'd still go out to see them because I love the books :D

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I don't get the hate tbh, its not like vampires have never been about young women, moonlit nights, billowing lace curtains and sex before. Its been like that since Stoker wrote his stuff. This is just the same story about women and dangerous men re-told for a 21st century western audience, in a world where masculinity is not in fashion. If you want to complain about Twilight, your over a hundred years to late.

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I dont mind the story as of much, last Xmas my girlfriend made me read the Twilight book (without seeing the film first), and as much as it is a 16yo's love story, it wasnt to bad, with nothing to do between my 4 month Uni summer holiday, i read all 4 books, and by the end the series was pretty good, still very much a love story, but readable for a 20yo male.

Then the first movie... Acting was poor, and very much a B-Grade film. There is more hype for the actors than what there is for the film, and for me the film kinda brings shame to story. but now its a cash cow that they shall ride into the billion dollar sunset.

The Vampire Diaries :)

True Blood :)

If the cast from Vamp Diaries did Twilight, shit might be good.

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Because I agree and was going to post this anyway, and I know some of you lazy f'ers won't click the link...

How Twilight Works

A few weeks ago I had the miserable experience of reading Twilight. A friend bought it for me and I took it with me to read on a long flight from Seattle to Houston. I knew it was going to be crappy, but I thought it would be a guilty pleasure kind of crappy - where you know it's bad but you still get enjoyment out of it. I actually managed to power through around 400 pages until I gave up and started reading Sky Mall. I've been seeing Twilight everywhere lately, especially with Vampire Teens II New Moon's release, so I thought I'd break down why chicks go apeshit for it.

fans.png

First off, the author creates a main character which is an empty shell. Her appearance isn't described in detail; that way, any female can slip into it and easily fantasize about being this person. I read 400 pages of that book and barely had any idea of what the main character looked like; as far as I was concerned she was a giant Lego brick. Appearance aside, her personality is portrayed as insecure, fumbling, and awkward - a combination anyone who ever went through puberty can relate to. By creating this "empty shell," the character becomes less of a person and more of something a female reader can put on and wear. Because I forgot her name (I think it was Barbara or Brando or something like that), I'm going to refer to her as "Pants" from here on out.

pants.png

So after a few chapters of listening to Pants whine about high school, sucking at volleyball, and being the center of attention, the second major character is introduced. Imagine everything women want in a man, then exaggerate it by ten thousand - and you've got Edward Cullen. The level of detail that the author goes into while describing Edward's appearance is remarkable. At one point while reading I started counting the number of times the author used the expression "Edward's perfect face," and it was far into the double digits. The author excruciatingly details his muscular pecs, clothing, hair, eye color - even his goddamn breath (I'm not joking).

edward.png

Edward intensely listens to everything Pants has to say, even if she's bitching about she had diarrhea on Christmas or her preferred method for cutting a sandwich in half. As far as the reader is concerned, Edward cares about nothing in the world more than Pants. What the author has done is created a perfect male figure - a pale Greek statue which the reader can worship and in turn be worshipped by.

vampires.png

So what about men that like Twilight?

If you're male and you like Twilight, you're gay. I don't mean that in the derogatory sense, I mean it in the "you want to put your testicles against another man's testicles while gripping handfuls of chesthair" kind of way.

And the movie?

The movie is just the same uninspired crap shat out onto a film reel. If you like the taste of horse manure on your bologna sandwiches, you're probably gonna like it on your birthday cake as well. The same principle applies with Twilight.

Beyond that, it's just a romance novel with the occasional vampire teen drama bullshit peppered here and there. It doesn't really break any new ground in the realm of vampire fiction, other than portraying vampires as a family of uncomfortable retards who prance around the woods eating deer and bunny rabbits. There's lots of nervous lip-biting, tender kisses between Pants and Edward, and lengthy descriptions of every feature of Edward's body. Pants is a static character who never really progresses beyond being an insecure vampire fangirl who obsesses over Edward. Whether her character grows beyond that is unknown to me, I'd stopped reading by then and shifted my attention to an electric butt-massaging chair in Sky Mall.

formula.png
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There was a sequel?! :o

Yep, was about this bad ass vampire who has been away for long time and who happens to like music, so obviously he joins some random punk/rock band and becomes their lead singer.

As much as Interview with a Vampire had "pretty boy" image back in the day at least it was wort viewing (well I thought the story was good), but the sequal has nothing to do with the original it just tried to cash with the title again.

Queen of the Damned a.k.a. Interview with the Vampire II (2002)

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Ooh.. So Queen of the Damned was supposed to be Interview2. Well.. hmm.. that's weird, but I understand that does happen sometimes.

Unfortunately come to think of it all vampire movies do follow either 1 of 2 themes.

Theme 1. Vampire comes out, kills people, people kill vampire, end of movie.

Theme 2. Vampires are everywhere trying to take over the world, one get's lonely and makes some idiot a vampire, that idiot vampire upsets the vampire prey balance, a bad vampire dies, end of movie.

Wish there was a movie that was just about like.. Vampires against vampires in a power struggle (both for bad intentions) and not include mortals. That would be cool.

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